What Does 20 Years in a Happy Marriage Look Like?

As you know, I have talked a lot about my own journey to find the love of my life. It took me many years struggling with frustration and despair, but finally after all the learning and inner growth, I found him. Sometime I wonder about the different journeys that others have had to find the one they were meant to spend the rest of their life with. Do they use the same principles I have been using and teaching?

Xiaoli - 20 years marriage

Jennie is my virtual assistant. She is always happy with a big smile on her face. On top of that, she is an ambitious and successful entrepreneur who has been married for over 20 years. Wow, she seems to have it all!

20 years of marriage and still happy? What’s her secret? Out of curiosity, and also for my own personal research, I recently interviewed Jennie about her marriage.

Xiaoli: How many people did you date before you met your husband?
Jennie: I dated several guys throughout my early 20s before I met my husband. Obviously, none of those relationships worked out!

Xiaoli: How did you meet your husband?
Jennie: I met my husband through a friend.

Xiaoli: When did you realize he was the one?
Jennie: I immediately felt a connection to him. Our first date went wonderfully. We got along really well and liked to do the same things. We talked for hours at our little table in the restaurant he took me to. We almost closed the place down! After our first date, we literally spent every day together. We worked in the same building, so we got to have lunch together every day. My feelings about us getting married just naturally evolved. I always knew we would get married, so I wasn’t that surprised when he asked me. I was thrilled, but not surprised!

Xiaoli: What changed about your relationship once you got married?
Jennie: One thing that you learn really quickly is that you always have to consider someone else’s feelings and thoughts whenever you make a decision. Prior to marriage, I had lived on my own since I was 18, so having someone else in my space 24/7 was a pretty big adjustment.

Xiaoli: Did your career ambitions change once you got married?
Jennie: My husband has always been really supportive of my career ambitions. Before I decided to open my virtual assistant firm, I had a lot of interesting business ideas that I was throwing around. I was always an entrepreneur. The wonderful thing about Jayson was, no matter how oddball my ideas sounded, he always said that I should give them a try. His patience and support really paid off, and we both reap the rewards of my success.

Xiaoli: What are keys for your happy marriage?
Jennie: Well, 20 years is a long time. But we have spent those 20 years growing together as a couple. We’ve learned that communication is the key to our happiness. We are very direct with each other, and if one of us is unhappy about something, we speak up immediately. Suppressing your feelings is a surefire way to build resentment in any relationship, and ours is too important not to be totally direct with each other.

Xiaoli: What communication strategies do you and your husband use to work out disagreements in your marriage?
Jennie: We spend time together every day just talking. We spend a couple of hours each morning walking around our neighborhood, catching up on what happened the previous day. We’re that couple that still chats on the phone during the day when one of us is out.

Jennie is a lucky one to have met her soulmate at such a young age. But really, the keys to happy marriage applies to any age: good communication, having the same values and goals in life, enjoying the same things, and simply really, really liking each other. Just like Jennie told me at the end of the interview, “We just genuinely like being together!”

PS; Want to learn more about dating & relationship wisdom? I invite you to head on over to my Facebook private group!


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