In working with many women over the years, and in analysing my own love life, I’ve learned that so much of the hurt, heartache, and disappointment we experience in love could have been prevented if we paid more attention at the beginning of the relationship. There are 5 big mistakes many of us make when we first get involved with a partner.
1.Do Not Ask Enough Questions
We all like the feeling of falling in love. It is romantic. But asking questions is not romantic. It feels intrusive. Sometimes you don’t want to know the answer because you might not like what you hear. You don’t want to hear anything bad. If people are desperate to get into a relationship, or to make one work, they will avoid discussing anything that might sabotage their fantasy that they are with the right partner.
However, asking questions is the ONLY intelligent way to really get to know a person. What you don’t know may hurt you. The more information you have about the people you meet while dating, the better you will be able to judge whether or not this person will make a good mate. Conversely, the less information you have about someone, the more likely you will end up surprised, disappointed, angry, or heartbroken.
2. Ignore Warning Signs of Potential Problems
I cannot tell you how many times women came to me for advice after a breakup, and I asked them if they felt or saw red flags or warning signs in the beginning of the relationship. Over 95% of the time they say, “Yes!” But, consciously or unconsciously, they chose to ignore the signs, minimize its importance, making excuses for the other person, or rationalize and deny it away.
Like an ostrich hiding its head in the sand, if we pretend we don’t see the warning signs and danger, we set ourselves up for eventual feelings of disappointment, betrayal, and anger. Most of the time we are deceiving ourselves. You HAVE to trust your intuition.
3. Make Premature Compromises
Some people are so wanting to be loved and accepted by a new partner and to make the relationship work, they quickly compromise their beliefs, values, behaviors, and habits in the hope to get along with their new love interest. The danger in premature compromises is that you lose your sense of self early in the relationship and create a false sense of harmony between you and your mate.
What’s the solution? Enter into a relationship knowing what your values, interests, and loyalties are, and stick to them. Be committed first to yourself and second to your partner.
4. Put Commitment Before Compatibility
This mistake happens when people become tired of dating and want to settle down. They like being part of a couple so much more than being single. For some women, they feel pressured by a biological clock, having mental and emotional concern that their time is running out. They jump into commitment before assessing the compatibility between themselves and their prospective partners.
You make the hasty choice to begin living together within the first 3 or 4 months of the relationship or you feel sure that this person is the one for you a few weeks into the relationship. When this happens, you begin to fantasize and plan the rest of your year with this person, sometimes even seeing your entire life and how you will spend it with your new partner.
You are making an emotional commitment to your partner before you know him well enough to understand if you are compatible. It is at the early stages of a relationship that you must slow down and take your time. Learn more about your partner and actively evaluate your compatibility before jumping fully into the commitment.
5. Give in to Material Seduction
When too much emphasis is placed on wealth and accomplishment, we often fall to material seduction when choosing our partner. We focus too much on appearance, money, power, career, or reputation. In this scenario, we neglect to discover what kind of heart and soul our partner possesses. We fail to determine if this potential partner has the capacity to truly nurture a relationship and deliver on your intellectual and emotional needs. If they focus only on the material things in life and not your emotional needs, the relationship is most likely going to be unfulfilling.
When you choose a partner based on what he can offer you materially rather than what he can offer you emotionally, you will end up feeling lonely and unloved. Even though you can spend all the money on vacations or buying luxury goods, it has the potential to be an empty relationship.
It’s the lack of nurturing the relationship that creates unhappiness in women, not the lack of wealth. A woman’s feminine spirit requires emotional and intellectual nurturing in order for it to thrive and feel fulfilled. It has nothing to do with money.
If you have made some of these mistakes in your past relationships and tend to find yourself repeating them over and over with each new relationship, don’t panic. There are solutions and actions you can take to correct these issues! I am here to help you to break those unproductive repeating patterns so you can avoid these mistakes and have a happy and fulfilling relationship. The modern version of Happily Ever After takes some conscious work!
I invite you to schedule a complimentary clarity call with me. I can help you identify your specific challenges in your relationship. Click HERE to schedule a quick chat.
Your Happiness In Love Coach