Are You Attracting Insecurity In Dating?

Does dating feel like a roller coaster to you?  One minute, you’re beyond excited – feeling the boundless possibilities about the new person you just met and are getting to know.  The next minutes, you find yourself experiencing self-doubt and fear.  You begin to worry whether they’ll like you, if they will call, whether you will say the wrong thing and scare them off, or you are worried about ruining it before they really understand and know you.  Or maybe you get your hopes up about someone and think you’ve finally met your match, but suddenly he goes cold and distanced from you.

In these situations, you are experiencing emotional insecurity.  Insecurity will make you feel miserable in dating.  Even if you are currently in a relationship, insecurity makes you feel anxious, nervous, and uneasy, preventing you from being able to experience the joyful and thrilling feeling of a fulfilling relationship.

The act of dating is an excellent trigger for Insecurity.

Here are 3 subtle signs you are insecure in dating.

1. You give excessive thought to what you wear, what you say, and what you don’t say. Or after dates, you replay the conversation in your head and over analyze it.

When you are insecure, you worry about what others may think of you. You feel they will not like you exactly as you are. In short, you don’t feel you are ENOUGH. You allow OTHER people to be judges of your worthiness. When you are highly invested in what the other person thinks of you – and you become despondent if they decide not to pursue a relationship with you.

2. You have a tendency to fall hard and get wrapped up quickly in a relationship.

Do you have a history of romances that start out fast and heavy? You meet someone and quickly think He is the One, but later on found out many problems and challenges in relationship? True intimacy takes time to develop. But when you’re afraid that nobody will stick around, this creates a “hunger” that drives you to latch onto a person as if he might be your one and only opportunity. You think that if they love you, they will be able to wash away any feelings of self-doubt or worthlessness within you.

3.You get involved with people who are needy, and you are on mission to rescue them.

I had a client who consistently attracted men she wanted to help, either emotionally or financially.  When I asked her why, she said these relationships would make her feel like a better person and feel needed.  But on the other hand, she constantly felt exhausted and drained. The relationship was not romantic at all and became therapy sessions for the needy individual.  Psychologically, when we attract high-maintenance people, it is usually an unconscious attempt to cover up our own fears of inferiority. In other words, we might feel “superior” when we are involved with someone you deem inferior. The truth is when we are truly secure, we attract equally secure people.

Insecurity is actually a reflection of what we think about ourselves and how much – or how little – we love ourselves exactly as we are. It has absolutely nothing to do with the other person. The more insecure you feel, the more you will push other people away and create drama in your relationships. Until you address insecurity within you, you will never be fully happy with a partner.

If you are experience insecurity in dating and relationship, I have solutions for you. In working with many women over the years, I have created a “Love Yourself “program to help you identify your emotional insecurity triggers and learn how to love yourself, even the most unlovable part of yourself.  You can take responsibility for your own happiness, tuning out the insecure feelings and turning on the self-confidence and secure feelings to attract a partner who is equally secure, mature, and capable of creating a truly collaborative and creative relationship.

This program is tailored to individual needs.  Every situation is unique.  I invite you to schedule a complimentary discovery session with me.  I can help you to identify your challenge areas and provide solutions to move forward.  Click here to schedule.

Talk soon!

Xiaoli Mei

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