Are you one of those people who dread Valentine’s Day? When I was single, I didn’t really look forward to this day. It just reminded me that something was missing in my life. I called it Valentine’s Day Blues.
Whether single or in a relationship, people have all kinds of reasons for wanting to skip February 14th:
There’s too much pressure to be romantic
It’s all about flowers and gifts
Single people are made to feel like failures
But it doesn’t have to be that way. Today, I want to show you how to avoid four common Valentine’s Day traps, and you will be on your way to fulfilling love at any time of year…
Trap #1: Comparing yourself with someone you know who is already in a relationship.
This is the day that tends to make you feel lonely and miserable. It causes self-doubts, allowing them to creep into your conscious thought streams. Thoughts that you might be too old, or it is too late to meet a mate. Yet, you see some of your friends with their partner or husband enjoying the holiday, and you ask, “Why other people can can have a good relationship, but I cannot seem to make it work for me?” Ladies, I had been there and done that. From my experience, comparisons and envy prevent you from moving forward.
What is really helpful is how to turn this moment of frustration and loneliness into determination. Ask yourself, “What actions can I take now to change my current outlook and situation?” Use observation to learn what works and does not work in the relationship between your friends and their partners.
There is also another think to keep in mind that not everyone in the relationship are happy. What you see may not be all bliss. They might be stuck in the relationship for their own reasons and may not be happy. However, if you are open to meet the right person and build the happy relationship, you will be further ahead than those people who are in a relationship but not happy.
Trap #2: Thinking you cannot do something romantic because you don’t have anyone right now.
The most loving thing you can do for you and your future partner is to work on improving yourself. These actions will prepare you to meet him. I believe that the things we do right now to work on ourselves, to grow ourselves, build our skill sets, and to become more confident are an act of romance for our future relationship. Can you say to yourself, “I can do something romantic for the love of my life this Valentine’s even if I haven’t met him yet? And that romantic thing is going to be what I do for myself so that when that relationship comes, I feel more confident, I feel more passionate, I feel more fulfilled.” Self-love and self-care are the most romantic things you can do for your future partner.
Trap #3: Valentine’s Day is all about buying flowers or having a romantic dinner.
Some ladies get very upset when their boyfriends or husbands forget to buy flowers or do not take them out for dinner on Valentine’s Day…blaming their partner as forgetful, unromantic, and thoughtless.
For me, the act of buying flowers or scheduling a romantic dinner on Valentine’s Day has become culturally expected and fulfills an obligation. An act that is expected is, by itself, very unromantic. Romance is based in thought and need. Showing you understand your partner (thought) and can do something that satisfies one of their needs (action) is what makes the moment romantic.
I would encourage you to take this opportunity to create a deep emotional connect with your partner…think about what gift is going to show some kind of special significance, understanding and appreciation of who our partner is. Ask very specific questions of yourself, like:
“What makes my partner unique to me?”
“What movies does he love?”
“What books does he love?”
“What is a memory that we have created together recently?”
“What is something he is into learning right now or in the future?”
When we ask ourselves these types of questions about our partner, we start to come up with ideas for gifts that actually connect to who they are and what we know about them. AND, if you TALK with your partner about the things you love, this will plant the seed for what type of gifts make you happy. Remember… men are NOT mind readers.
Trap #4: Waiting for Valentine’s Day to show that you care about somebody.
The quality of our relationships is NOT what we do on a special holiday. It is what we do in our daily life.
We need to strive to make every day like Valentine’s Day… which is the same as saying make Valentine’s Day like one of the normal days in our life, like every day of the year. That is, MAKE EVERY DAY SPECIAL!
Truly to me every day is Valentine’s Day because we show our love and care for each other, both in word and action. As we get ready to fall asleep for the night, Jim whispers in my ear, “I love you”. He says this every day before we close our eyes. If he is on business trip, he will call and say it over phone. And he loves to surprise me with romantic dates. Jim loves my cooking and tells me often. I know this makes him happy, so I enjoy preparing yummy dinners to feed my man with love and good nutrition.
Instead of relying on Valentine’s Day to test if your partner loves you, how about making a commitment with your partner to show love and affection for each other on the daily basis…whether it’s a date night once a week or promise say I love you every day, That’s the best gift for your relationship, and you will enjoy a fulfilling love at any given day of the year.
Happy Valentine’s Day!
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