Why Dating is So Challenging and Daunting?

If you feel like dating is challenging and daunting, you are not alone. In my time as a dating coach, I have encountered many women who’ve experienced the frustration of dating. You can only go on so many “no-chemistry dates” before you feel like quitting. They can feel like such a waste of time and energy. And believe me, I feel you, because once, I was one of those women.

What I learned from experience was that you cannot expect to get a different result if you keep doing same thing over and over again. So, in order to enjoy dating, we need to learn the dating skills to weed out all of the people who are not compatible or suitable for you.

One of my clients once joked to me, “I want to find a partner, but I hate the dating process. I wish I could just skip the dating and go straight to finding the right person.” Unfortunately, dating is a necessary step in a relationship, and not just because you need to go through it to find the “right person.” The reason why we date is because experience is our teacher. Like Dr. John Gray once stated, “Dating is to prepare yourself for a loving relationship.” You date to experiment and explore who you are, what you like and don’t like and what you need and don’t need. We often form this idea of the ideal relationship from movies or romantic novels, but once you actually start dating, you might discover that “idea” doesn’t really work for you. For example, one lady once told me that she married a businessman with a good career and money, but he never had time for her. She realized that she really needed someone who wanted to spend quality time together. Dating is a sorting process where you learn from your mistakes.

The problem is that most women don’t know exactly what relationship outcome they want. What would a successful relationship look like for you? What will it be like once you have the person you are searching for? What are you “must haves”? What are your deal breakers? Do you know the qualities and characteristics in a partner that you know will make you happy? The outcome of your dating experience is unique to you, based on your own preferences and experiences. The clarity that comes from dating can help you realize if you are with the wrong person, and makes it easier for you to move on and find the right one.

Knowing this, you can find the freedom to really talk to men about what you want out of a relationship. Some women are afraid to rock the boat and tell the truth in fear they will sound too intimidating. They don’t want to scare men away. So, they withhold their dreams and desires. One of my clients broke up with her boyfriend after a few months because, when finally she mentioned that she wanted kids, he said he didn’t. You can probably guess the end of that relationship.

Being authentic takes confidence. It can be daunting to really act from your heart. I assure you, there are good men out there who will appreciate your confidence and think you are very attractive because you are authentic and honestly say what is in your heart.

Once you know the outcome you want, and authentically say what you want, your dating experience will become much more enjoyable and effective. Just remember, every time when you say “NO” to someone who is a mismatch, you will be one step closer to the person of your dreams.

Step onto the path of finding the person of your dreams and schedule a session a complimentary session today!

Xiaoli Mei

Your Happiness In Love Coach


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