Dating In The Time Of Coronavirus

It feels like the whole world is in the panic mode due to the Coronavirus pandemic. In the past few days so many things happened: the NBA suspended its season, Italy quarantined the whole country, and travel from Europe was banned for 30 days, schools are switched to online classes and people work from home. The list can go on…

Many of my clients came to my coaching session with anxiety and confusion: How COVID-19 would impact our dating and love life? Should we stop meeting new people? Should we put current dating on hold?

Yes we might have to change the way we do things due to the social distancing, but it doesn’t mean our love life has to put on hold.   You don’t have to give up on your dream of being in a happy, loving relationship, no matter what is happening in the world.  

 
Here are a few ways to adopt your dating during this special time

1.  First thing’s first: Manage your fears and your mindset.

The most important thing to keep in mind, along with being safe, is to not give into fear.  Fear can wreak havoc on your nervous and immune system. Those of you who have been in my coaching for a while know that we’ve been teaching this WAY before the coronavirus emerged.

If you don’t manage your mind and your emotions, they will choose, speak, and act for you, and that’s why you’ve been stuck in some of the painful patterns you’ve been in. 

If you want to learn how to manage your mind and emotions, overcome your fear, contact me privately.  I have specific coaching program for you

 2.      Use this opportunity to create real connection.

The truth is that you’ve been complaining about “online dating sucks”: men might ghost you in the middle of a conversation or he won’t move from texting to a conversation for months because he might be texting another 10 women at the same time can’t remember to text back or he met someone already before setting the coffee date with you.  True it’s hard to have real conversation and real connection through online dating because everyone is replaceable until you meet in person. But if you can’t meet right away because you may expose each other to a deadly virus, there’s no need to rush. This creates an opportunity to actually get to know someone on a deeper level than before! You can date differently now and in a way that will create the kind of connection you’ve been wanting.

After texting for a bit, let the men you’re meeting online know that you’re enjoying getting to know him and you’d love to talk.  Simply say, “I’m really enjoying texting with and getting to know you. Would love to talk soon!”

 3.     Date slowly and Take your time getting to know him.

Some busy singles have no patience for dating. They want to swipe, text, and meet as quickly as possible. They quickly glance profiles, write a short simple emails because they don’t want to put too much effort into it before feeling connected to someone. From my coaching experience this seems like a time saver (because you’re moving so fast), it actually becomes a time waster (because the quality of the interactions are so low and everyone has SO many options at their fingertips.)

Now you are not hurry going anywhere, it gives your time to really talk. It gives you an opportunity to discuss things that you may not be able to in a noisy club or restaurant.  Get curious.  Ask questions about him, his goals, what he’s passionate about, and what he does for fun.  And, of course, share about yourself, too!

Dating in person can sometimes have people rush into physical intimacy way too fast, so here’s an opportunity to get to know and allow someone to get to know you beyond the surface level!

Some people are actively afraid of the phone. But if we’re to rank the quality of different means of communication, text has to be the worst form. As a dating coach, I see relationships dying every day due to the lack of nuance and tone conveyed in text. Months or years of love are ruined because two people won’t press the little green dial button to actually solve their problems. Well, it’s time for that to end. If you can’t leave the house for a while and you don’t want your love life to grind to a halt, maybe it’s time to nudge that online guy to call you. You may just discover that phone call is really a good way to get to know someone.  

4.      Create virtual dates

Thanks to the technology. Now we can see people on video no matter where you are. If the phone conversations are going well, you’re interested in getting to know him better, and you’d still like to wait before going out to crowded places to meet in person, let him know you’d be open to meeting virtually.  We have a lot of clients who do this when they are traveling or dating someone long distance, and it, again, provides another layer of connection before meeting in person.

Say something like, “I’m having so much fun talking to you!  Are you this much fun in person? I’d love to see your face, and I’m not ready to meet in person yet, with all that’s going on, but would love to talk on FaceTime (or Skype, or WhatsApp, or Zoom) sometime!” 

In all of these instances, it’s important that you are truly being open to getting to know the men you are speaking to.  Keep your focus on your intention of attracting a great man that you can share your life with. And trust that, even if it takes a little while for things to settle down with the coronavirus, there IS a way to turn this into an opportunity to get to know someone deeper than you might if you were immediately going out on an in-person date.

If I were single, I’d use the next few months wisely. Build up your confidence. Understand how to meet men more effectively. Look at the world through a lens of abundance, optimism, and joy instead of scarcity, pessimism, and fear.

If you don’t want to date until this is all over, I understand. But I want you to understand, life is whatever you make of it. You can stay on dating sites. You can talk to guys on the phone for a few weeks – with no primping, no pressure, and no sex – just to see how you feel with them and how they follow through. You might be surprised with a boyfriend or, at least, a new outlook on dating and relationships.

In the meantime, Stay safe, wash hands, social distancing and community thinking.

We’re in for a rough patch but that doesn’t mean you have to stop living until it’s over.

Xiaoli Mei

Your Happiness In Love Coach

Who in your life needs this advice?

Brighten her day by forwarding her this email now….

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